I’m going forth to meet You, my Bridegroom so dear

I was enjoying some hymns and this one "virgins we must be wise and pure" stood out to me. 

In stanza two: 

Not only my lamp, Lord, but my vessel too,

Redeeming the time to be filled up with You.

I’m going forth to meet You, my Bridegroom so dear.
I know then at midnight You’ll soon, Lord, appear.

(Chorus)
Lord, I love You above all,
Watching hourly lest I fall.
We would buy the oil today.
Lord, prepare us, oh, get us ready!

I think one thing I realised more and more in the marriage is that, no matter what you do and try to improve, your spouse has a way to disappoint you. Even when you adjust your expectations again and again, this still happens. This evening I got really exhausted and disappointed again. I didn't want to feel like a victim or being trapped in my feeling so I came forward to Him. I hid my face in my palms to pray. Pray to Him concerning all discouragement and bitterness to Him. When I felt released, I went to cook a proper meal for myself and at the same time, engage my mind in the spirit of prayers. After the meal, I started singing hymns, and this sentence "I’m going forth to meet You, my Bridegroom so dear.

I know then at midnight You’ll soon, Lord, appear." touched me deeply. I kept singing this sentence again and again. It's been a while since the last time I felt this way. The Lord is my genuine bridegroom. Really, if we put our hope on the husband that we have on earth, our heart only aches. Yet if we put our focus on this eternal God, the genuine husband, how much we feel comforted right away. 

Our husband God is the One who truly cherishes us, He's the only one who knows our weakest feelings yet without judgment. I don't mean my husband on earth is terrible, but I mean, he's only the husband that the Lord assigned me to love and support during this lifetime. If we truly want a husband who can make us feel understood, supplied, and always be on our side, only our genuine husband God can do this. 

I won't say this is definitely the case, but I feel that the Lord intentionally gives us a spouse who can best perfect us. If our husband is too wonderful, we probably will forget that the Lord is our genuine husband who can care for all our needs. We probably will forget about Him even. However, just because our husband is not perfect, we have this wonderful chance to experience God as our all-inclusive husband who is so dear to us. 

Also, I don't mean since our husband on earth is not perfect we will stop loving him. I believe the Lord also uses our husband on earth to train us to love an imperfect person, just as the Lord Himself loved us when we were yet sinners.  

Thank You, Lord, supply me every day so dearly so I know You are my genuine Bridegroom, Husband. 

Help me love my husband in a way pleases you as well.