In the Valley of Baca

Psalm 84:6-7 Passing through the valley of Baca, / They make it a spring; / Indeed the early rain covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength; / Each appears before God in Zion.

I think married life is indeed difficult. Sometimes things seem to get better for a while. I thought it was because I followed the Biblical principle. However, my husband is not one of the common kinds, and many times I am indeed very frustrated by his peculiarity. 

With tears, I come to Thee, confessing that nothing that I can do to save my marriage as well as my PhD final stage. The pain in my heart dwells and got worse. I hide my tears before my husband but when he's away, tears fall down like streams of water. I found it difficult to make sense of what I can do now. To be honest, Lord, I want to give up my trying. 

I tried to make the food my husband likes. I tried to speak well of him between us and before others. I tried to initiate intimacy with him. I tried to make the house clean. I tried to change my way of doing things whenever he explains something to me. 

But you know, Lord? Despite all the trying, I still feel hurt, less appreciated, and tired. 

Valley of Baca is such a sad place. I used to be there for a long while, and the difficulties in the marriage bring me to the place again. It is a place of tears. Yet Lord, you have promised to make it a spring. Your spirit overshadows me during the hour of darkness. I do not know how to go on each day, and I need you, Lord. May You cover me with Your blessing. Despite how much this marriage troubles me in my inward being, may You be such streams in the valley of Baca. 

Eventually, you promised that I will go from strength to strength. 

I need You, Lord. The One who can bless us abundantly even in the valley of Baca.